And on the seventh day He rested.

Its sabbath afternoon for me here in Tanzania. My LAST sabbath afternoon in Tanzania. I have planned for this day, thought about this day, and arranged for this day in my head over and over... but now that its here, I just couldn't execute. Yes, its true that I am still recovering from flu and I'll even admit that I have jumped back into the mix too quickly. If I were home in the U.S., I would have stayed in bed for a few days and taken time off. But with my time winding down, there is far too much to do for me to take a few days off. But today, THE day among days... I just can't rally myself to do what I had planned. I didn't make it to church this morning. And there will be no playtime with the children out on a blanket in the yard. No photo shoots. No treats that I baked the night before. Nothing.

I am sitting here in my room, watching my favorite baby girl asleep on my lap, and typing this blog in hopes that I can slowly wrap my brain around the beauty of this day while dealing with the sadness that I feel in my heart. I know that coming here to Tanzania and serving at Cradle of Love is the best decision I have made in a long, long time. I know that my time here was not wasted... not for one second. I know that the children may not remember me, but that I made a positive impact on their lives. And that knowledge gives me comfort as I prepare to leave. It does. But having to physically pack my bags for home, to have to say goodbye to my amazing fellow volunteers and all these little children of whom I have fallen madly in love with is difficult. And it makes me question. Did I advocate hard enough for better care of the babies? Did I teach volunteers everything they need to sustain? Did I show enough love to the staff? Can I leave now when there is so much more to do? Do I come back? When? How? What will my friends at home say? I've asked for more than I deserved and I received more than I could have imagined... do I have the right to ask again?

And the questions continue...

But then I have to stop and take hold of the day. Because this day, THE DAY AMONG DAYS was created for me, by GOD, so that I could just reflect on Him and his greatness and leave the worry, the doubt, and the questions for tomorrow. He wove me into this moment, both for Cradle of Love and for myself. And I have no business doubting Him and his plans.

And so, I'll just lay this precious sleeping baby girl in my yet unpacked carry-on luggage. And I'll take a few hours to nap myself as I have a long, last week ahead of me. And I'll reread and share with you the promises from the Bible. God's wisdom comes through in the following passage from Isaiah 28.

"Listen to what I am saying; pay attention to what I am telling you. No farmer goes on constantly plowing his fields and getting them ready for sowing. Once he has prepared the soil, he sows the seed of herbs such as dill and cumin. He sows rows of wheat and barley and at the edges of his fields he sows other grain. He knows how to do his work, because God has taught him. He never uses a heavy club to beat out dill seeds or cumin seeds; instead he uses light sticks of the proper size. He does not ruin the wheat by threshing it endlessly, and he knows how to thresh it by driving a cart over it without bruising the grains, All this wisdom comes from the LORD Almighty. The plans God makes are wise, and they always succeed."

Until tomorrow.

~Shae