Baby love for the volunteers

So many former volunteers peruse this blog in hopes of seeing "their baby". I am going to be that person one day --- always searching and never ceasing --- just holding out for one glimpse of the children I fell in love with! So, in honor of those volunteers, I have thrown in some random pictures and facts on our babies.

Eric is growing so big. He is in constant motion and annoyed that I made him stop crawling for a picture!

Witness is so funny! She sits up well and is crawling. Well, she is dragging her feet behind her but has started pushing up on her knees. She understands the concept of crawling and tries VERY HARD. But no worries, this child gets around very well and doesn't wait for anyone to hand her toys. She goes and finds them herself! Way to go Witi!

Abdi is the darling of the big house. Unfortunately, holding his bottle is all he has achieved since moving over from the nursery. I think that we all love him so much that we don't make him work very hard. And this is a problem. Babies need to be encouraged to hit milestones. It is not always good to do everything for them. Sorry Abdi. We'll do better... if you stop being so cute!





Amina just left us yesterday to go home with her Grandmother. [Mikaila -- some children don't have mommies and daddies. So, sometimes, they live with someone else. And that is why Amina went to live with her Grandma.] Amina is such a little precious soul that I wanted to share some pictures of her with you. When I am on better internet, I will post a video of her identifying people by their names. Her English had gotten SOOOO good before she left. We love you and miss you Amina!!!!

Jacob is really trying to talk now! Its soft and I have to REALLY pay attention, but babbling back to him and asking him to repeat my words is helping him to learn.


Joshua is such a fun kid. He just moved over from the nursery to the big house. He is sitting up on his own and LOVES to be in the walker. He cruises around Cradle at a high rate of speed. Here, Ellie is trying to knock him over to get to a toy but he is so strong that she is unsuccessful.

Then, of course, we have my precious little Happy! She is adding on weight every week and she is eating like a champion! I am trying to upload video where you see her getting mad at me. Apparently, she was annoyed that I was on the floor taking pictures instead of holding her. And so, she was letting me know her displeasure. Its so cute because her voice isn't that loud! Love you Happy girl!


NOTE TO SELF # 11 - Take more pictures. Of everything and everyone. We all grow and change so quickly that its important to capture life as we are living it. You will never regret taking the time to do that.

~Shae

The plumbstress and the Pendo

We are very blessed at Cradle of Love as our long term volunteers have finally arrived and the apartment is full for the first time in three months. But with the added volume of people comes the added strain on our kitchen sink. We're lucky to have one so we really want to care for it the bast way we know how. Luckily, volunteer Ashley has taken her domesticity to new heights and is venturing into the world of plumbing. She wasn't able to completely fix our clogged AND leaking sink (oxymoron, I know) but she gallantly tried. Way to go Ash! Here are a few more pictures of her giving it her best shot.

So, I have more news regarding our little fighter, Pendo. Yesterday, her mother and older sister were able to come for a 6 hour visit. This was much to the delight of our little Pendo. She didn't smile but her little body was at such peace. I held Pendo for an hour after they left and she just clung to me for comfort. I understand her need for closeness. So today, I was more tolerant of her clinginess.

I will say that I had to endure a procedure with her that I did not like witnessing. While she has been drinking and eating special porridge, two days ago she became disinterested. Sabbath afternoon, our nurse made the decision to put in another feeding tube and get more liquids in Pendo's system. But now that Pendo has gained some strength, she fought the tube. After two very earnest attempts, we were unable to get the tube to stay in her stomach. I held Pendo's head, neck, and arms, and I could feel the tube scratching the back of Pendo's throat. As she coughed and gagged, I could literally feel the tube coming back up and start feeding into her mouth and nasal cavity. I was calm but had to turn my head away because I couldn't watch this poor child vomit and struggle. So our nurse gave her a scolding and told her that we would leave the tube out for now if Pendo would drink 5 ozs. of formula. Pendo COMPLETELY understood our nurse as she turned her head away and didn't want to listen. But then the nurse held the tube up to her one more time and Pendo seemed to come to an agreement.

So, I gently took our sick little girl, her 5 ozs. of baby formula, and sat in the playroom with the other nannies and children to start the arduous process of getting Pendo to drink. Our nurse taught me the words to say to her in Swahili to get her to take in all the formula. And do you know what? That child sat for me and drank all her formula. She curled up to me -- her boney little body, all twisted and damaged by malnutrition-- trying to find the most comfortable spot against my chest. Now, I'm not going to lie... it took almost an hour and a half to get 5 ounces in her. But we did it. I kept talking to her in Swahili, encouraging her, and reminding her of what a good girl she was with each swallow. The nannies kept pointing and watching and talking about me and Pendo. But I didn't mind. She was drinking her formula and that was all that mattered. When she had finished, she fell asleep in my arms exhausted. And for the first time, she didn't cry when I laid her down. That was a different story this evening when I put her to bed. But I guess I am just happy that she has enough strength to cry. I know that God brought her to us, if not for her, but to help her mother care for the older sister. And that is something that I take comfort in myself. Here is one more picture of us from tonight. We're tired, but we posed for the camera!

And on a side note... Karen Minner's family asks each of us on September 11, Karen's birthday, to do a good deed... in Karen's name or "just because". You can find out more about Karen's life on facebook or karenminner.com. I went to school with her at Southern Adventist University, many moons ago. Unfortunately, Karen is no longer with us. So this September 11 was Sabbath and usually one of my days off. But I made the decision to work with our babies in honor of Karen. She dedicated a year of her life to missions and helping children in need. My prayer is that my work this day, and every day, reflects the same spirit and commitment she had while on this earth.

Imani Tumaini na Upendo,
~Shae

Oh, and I heard your outcry and I observed your protests. The blog stays public. And we will never speak of this again.

An update on Pendo

I have had a very long and tiring day. Hit the baby home at 8:30 a.m. for worship, left after feeding them breakfast, and headed to Arusha for baby home shopping. Five hours later we returned, where I then ran outside to spend time with the babies who were freshly awake from their afternoon naps. Before I knew it, we were feeding supper and getting ready for bed. So 10 hours later... I was finally home. Oh, man, am I tired! But it was a good day. I was unable to adjust my blog, so you get a few more days of public viewing. Here are some updated pictures of Pendo and our amazing nurse, Batilda. A big THANK YOU to Elly S. (Tami C.'s niece) who sent me all the samples of Eucerin cream and lotion. Poor little Pendo has so many open cuts, tears, and sores on her skin due to malnurishment. We were able to rub some of the Eucerin ointment on her head sores. You will notice in one of the pictures, she holds on to the tube of ointment. Later that evening, I held her on my lap-- for about an hour or so. She kept twisting the cap on that little tube... the only energy she has... to mimic play. She started to whine and laid the tube in my hand. I just thought she was weak and tired and didn't want to hold the tube any longer. Oh, but that was not the case. She started to rub her little cracked, scaly fingers across mine and i realized she wanted me to rub the ointment on her hands. As I started to gently and carefully move the ointment along the terribly dry and damaged skin, she opened her hand and would slowly point to every cut and torn area of skin. She is so bright... and I am the slow one in this scenario. She saw this moment as an opportunity to advocate for her own care, and she was trying to tell me how to help her. It was a strange and beautiful moment. And one that I will never forget for as long as I live. Never.

So sorry everybody

I have loved writing my blog every few days/everyweek and feel so lucky to have technology that allows me to do so. I know that it gets boring for some of you to check in. But I am still appreciative of those who do. Believe me when I tell you that you guys are always on my mind and I write to carry the conversation with you. It keeps me sane and makes me feel connected to you somehow.

Today it was brought to my attention that I am offending individuals with the content of my blog. So I will be moving this blog to private viewing as to avoid unnecessary distractions. I am so sorry if this causes added work on all of our parts. Some of you may be regular readers. But if I dont have your email addresses, you will no longer be able to view the contents. Just message me with your information and i will try to get it available to you.

On a side note, Pendo ate with a spoon tonight!!! I sat with her for a few hours. It was painful for me to watch her struggle with nutrition. But even more painful for her, I am sure. Afterwards, I gave her water and tried to lay her down and she cried "mama, mama" and with her tiny, weak little hands, clung to me for comfort. She scratched at me so hard that her skin broke open and separated from her bone. I pulled her close to me and held her for another 30 minutes... then laid her down... left her... and cried for another 30 minutes alone in my room. If ever there was a time when I wanted to scream at my helplessness and frustration... its tonight.

Past volunteers, visitors, and friends, if you want to read something that PERFECTLY depicts how we all feel after serving our short time here at Cradle, visit Ashley's blog at

http://wolfecrossing.wordpress.com

the blog title is "falling in love". Start with her second paragraph and read to the bottom. Its beautiful.

With love (upendo) -

~Shae

Girls, Girls, Girls...

The last 26 posts were done in a specific order under specific titles. Can you guess the special way in which they were titled? Sara Hueneke and Karen Bonet do not get to guess. They have known all along! Anyway, I lucked out that many of the titles PERFECTLY matched the subject of the blog. But for the next month, the titles are just random. Nothing special. At least for now...

So here are a few pictures of my girls from this weekend before I headed off to Arusha to care for little Emmy Love. She is pictured at the end. Enjoy.


This is Helena. Notice the 'not-so-happy' Happy in the background!



The results of spoiling Happy! She gets ticked when I don't pick her up...

Apparently, Ellie is annoyed too. Man, all these high-maintenence girls! Sheesh.

So I decide to pick them both up and this is what happens...


"Um, you want us to do what?"


"I said, you can both sit on my lap but play nice."

"Can't we come up with a better solution, Shae-Shae" (notice the Happy tongue background)

"She's bothering me Shae-Shae."

"I'm bigger than her... I should have a lap all to myself!"

Finally peace was restored to the Cradle yard.

So, I left those troublemakers and headed west to Arushatown!
This is little Emmy, playfully enjoying her time alone with the Shae today.



NOTE TO SELF # 10 - I want to be a mom... but God, please only give me one baby at a time. And self, if you are blessed with multiples, thank God for giving you this experience in handling 50 babies, so that two or three babies won't seem so bad!!!!


~Shae

Z - end

DUE TO THE GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF MALNUTRITION AND DISEASE, PLEASE READ THIS BLOG WITH CAUTION AND RESPECT TO THE IMAGE THAT FOLLOWS. (this is a repost as I have changed the picture from the original posting)

I have been sitting here for a while now, debating about what I would write for this blog. I have had an interesting few days and I have been a little focused on self. And thats ok sometimes. But today marks a new phase in this mission to Tanzania. I initially came here to Africa to offer myself as a missionary. My loyalties were to God, Organization X, Cradle of Love, and then everyone and everything else. Now, my loyalties are so different. Today, I am reminded of what the mission can be and what it should be. And as I am quickly approaching the half-way mark on my time here in Tanzania, I want my blogs to reflect the mission. Sometimes they will be funny. Sometimes serious. But always honoring the only thing that comes after God and before EVERYTHING else... and that loyalty is the one I hold with our babies here at Cradle of Love.

Some of the other volunteers and I made a decision a long time ago to never show pictures that would terrorize, exploit, belittle, objectify, or dishonor a child in any way. Furthermore, we decided that any image that only elevated our needs and aggrandize our situation, but did not serve the children any purpose, would also been inappropriate to post. So it is with MUCH consideration and review of that pact we all made regarding published images, that I share with you the picture below. (Image has been changed since original post was published-- as this is less graphic and in keeping with my original commitment of photo sharing).

Her name is Penda (its actually Pendo. I made a type before!)- and that means love. Her full story can be found on the Cradle of Love website where you will find this same picture. I am still unsure how long I will keep this photo up or if I will delete it altogether. My heart is conflicted. She is a 2 year old child who has a name, a family, and hopefully the chance for a future. And I don't want her to be a statistic for my blog. I want her to have the opportunity to fight.

But this, right here, is the mission. Thank you to everyone who supports us at Cradle of Love. Your support allows us to not worry about where we are going to get our next box of wipes and nappy rash cream. But instead, we can rely on you to take care of those needs, and allow us to work on the needs most critical. Like Penda. Your prayers and support are not going to help a nameless child. You are helping THIS child right here.

~Shae

UPDATE ON PENDO: Our nurse made the decision to insert a feeding tube to best get nutrition into this sick little girl. We are only putting infant formula and warm water into her now as not to shock her delicate system, but to get her organs functioning properly. When her body starts adjusting to the nutrition, we will then add vitamin drops and higher caloric liquids. We are battling time. But its worth the fight!!

You've got to reach out

I didn't want to wake up a roommate to take a picture of me. But I wanted you to see the joy. So here I am. Today was one of the most emotionally taxing days since being here in Tanzania. And I've had some tough days over the last nine weeks. So that is saying a lot. My gamut of emotion was actually unexpected. But it was good. Because today, I realized how different I am, how much I have grown, and how silly lucky I am. Silly lucky! Today, I had to welcome people from the United States who really hurt me and let me down upon my arrival here at the Cradle of Love. But I welcomed them with excitement and I tried to do it honorably. In the short two hours they were here, I heard that some of them had a life changing experience. If they only knew how much deeper and TRULY life changing it gets after being here with these children for MORE than two hours, they would never have left. I have now been here over two months and I am convinced that even with all the things that I have learned about orphanages, children, GOD, culture, people and myself... that I have only scratched the surface. I have so much to learn. So much. So. Much. But God chose me to be here. And I'm really lucky he did.

And I have to tell you friends.... tears well up in my eyes as I type this... that I have seen God today. Ok, I'm not claiming that I have seen seen God, but I feel his love, mercy, grace, and friendship pour out in the form of a bag of material things. I know it may sound stupid, but receiving all the donated items from you guys in the United States just fills my heart. I have been thinking about this day for WEEKS now. And please don't misunderstand, its not that I am excited about the stuff. I am excited about seeing the reflection of your love and support. I am excited about seeing the letter that was so beautifully (and heartfelt) prepared for me. I am excited about touching the things that you touched. The things that you thought about and planned for and bought and sent and coordinated and, and, and. Ok, I am excited about the skittles and my flat iron. You have to give me something to be a little selfish about! Whatev. But I am most excited that --for those of you who believe in God-- you have allowed him to do a good work in you in the form of gathering things for our needs here. And for those of you who believe in something a little different-- whatever that may be-- thank you for being inspired to help. Its just so amazing. So many of you have heard me and seen me say it before; I am only successful because of the love and support you give me.

So I will repeat what I stated before. I am a silly lucky woman. Silly lucky. So, my tears are done. Lets get down to business!!!

I took pictures of everything that I received. Unfortunately, my director here at Cradle of Love didn't understand the excitement and emotional implications of receiving your gifts today, so she dumped the bag out in her office and started opening stuff without me!!! When I walked into her office and saw "our stuff" everywhere I was devastated. I was looking forward to opening the bag and pulling out each little surprise-- but I am a big girl and I can get over the dissapointment. Anyway, I tried to gether everything up and I took it to my apartment. Here are the pictures of it all. Please leave comments or send emails and let me know WHO donated WHAT! Even if it was a note and a bag of Skittles (Thanks Mrs. Tillman!), I want to know. EVERY SINGLE THING IS A BLESSING TO ME AND TO OUR BABIES!

I heard that this came from Rachel Scherwin's sister. Are you kidding me with this? These are BEAUTIFUL. I think they are too nice for us to use!!! I found pins too. Also from the sister? Everyone, feel free to chime in with the info.

I am really loving my own "medical kit". Its cute. And it comes from my mother. Something that every child should get from mom... nomatter what the age. Thanks for taking the time hear me and to care about my needs. A girl needs this sometimes.

Ok, these cloth nappies look special ordered! Tania Hufanda, do you take credit for this? Whomever made these happen... they are amazing. Thank you. And btw, Tania, thank you for coordinating the packing of all these things. Taping up the ziploc was so instrumental as the NyQuil leaked but everything was protected. Again, thanks is cheap. But its what I have to offer. And its so sincere.


40. Four-Oh. In swahili- arobaini. Thats the number of diaper rash creams that we received in this package. Now, I know that was a team effort. Thank you so much! Awesome. Forty. I still can't believe it.

We never seem to remember to get lotion on these kids! And some of our babies and toddles are scratching the hell out of their skin from dryness and dermatitis. THANK YOU for the small individual packets of lotions. I am handing them out to volunteers tomorrow and telling them to go to town on some of our children's skin.

Thank you to the Stovash, Case, & Tingley crew for the much needed office supplies. I was trying to explain the rolling white out dispensers to my director here at the baby home. So she was a little excited to see them in person. And pens! And trash bags! You guys are too much. I want a list of names of those who contributed! I know some of you put in so much effort. I could have never imagined how much you guys were pulling for me and the babies here. Silly lucky.

Items from my own stash in storage (thanks Chad and Susan) and items that are new. But one thing perplexes me... the black shoes. You see, I had these exact pair of shoes when I worked at SCT. But I wore the heck out of them and thought I had gotten rid of them. But then these show up and I honestly have no idea if they are new or if I am so delirious with emotions that I am actually looking at my old shoes. Help! the bottom of the soles have scuff which seem like worn shoes... but not enough scuff to be ACTUAL worn shoes... what am I missing here? Karina, did you buy these for me? I must be delirious??? Anyway, I am THRILLED to have them.

Letter from home. Enough said.

Its midnight here in Tanzania, and I need to go to bed. Thank you. An entire village has seen to my needs. I am so proud and I love that I can brag about you, my AMAZING friends. The babies and I send you love.

~Shae